Hi Ron,

Thank you so much for the kind words and the extension of your hand towards myself. In no fashion has it been all bad. I really need to tell you, right now, that I did not do any work on VMMaker. Was there extensions to same from the VMMakerTool? Perhaps, I do not recall. I only built the Tool, not the Maker. Good grief, I agree, that's a whole other level!

I feel the same about the opportunities I had with you. I am still dorking with ASN1, currently broken, trying to add a "Class" Application Class tag. Missing an explicit context in on of the directions. Memory and Trauma are definitely linked. That's where the flashbacks come from. Do you recall my interviewing with Andreas? I did get that job, for whatever reason...

I think I may be done. PromisesLocal is broken. ParrotTalk is broken. ASN1 is broken. SSL is broken. PromisesRemote is broken. Sigh. Fuck it. Someone else will have to pick it up. 20 years of work! I am hitting deep blue ocean, on my way to Morocco, by way of the Azores! With my shiny Zeus 3! Ciao, bella!

On 10/1/20 11:36 PM, Ron Teitelbaum wrote:

> Hi Rob,
>
> I'm so sorry you felt that way. I know you have had major issues, you have said the same yourself. I'm always happy to see you come back even after long absences. You are a brilliant coder and it has been my distinct pleasure to work with you on Cryptography! Thank you for all you have done and indeed you are responsible for adding significant value to Squeak and the community.
>
> We all work on code and it's easy to work your ass off on something to make it work and forget where it originated. We all contribute in large and small ways to everything. If you started VMMaker thank you! It is definitely something a lot of us use. I remember learning all about it a long long time ago before I realized that while I could understand it and I could use it, the people that work on the VM are a level higher than me. I just make apps!
>
> I remember getting in an argument with Andreas about adding methods to collection. "WE DON"T NEED more methods in Collection we need to remove most of them and make it easier!" I argued with him about the value over and over but he insisted that they just didn't add enough value. I could have been put off. I could have assumed that Andreas didn't like me but I would have been very wrong! I was really honored to get the chance to work with him and we became great friends. Of course I added my methods to the code we were working on together and was so thrilled when he used my methods for his own code.
>
> I don't know what happened with VMMaker but again thank you for your participation in it.. I wanted to take a minute to thank you for your work and to let you know it is my honor to work with you too! I hope that you can come to terms with your past and that you get the help you need for your CPTSD.
>
> Everything is possible, the past is gone, but the future is still yours to shape. I wish the past was set in stone but even that moves and slips. I was talking to my wife about a party we attended: "Remember in 2000 we were at the party and counted down the new year and someone hit the breaker and killed the lights! We were all talking about what would happen in the year 2000, would everything break!" Great story except that I hadn't met my wife yet! The past is only what we remember but the future is something we have control over. Peace, calm, happyness, they are all hard to come by but they are possible. I wish you success in finding what makes your future better.
>
> I'm sorry about the bad things that have happened to you in the past. As far as I'm concerned, you are welcomed here!
>
> All the best,
>
> Ron Teitelbaum
>
> On Thu, Oct 1, 2020 at 10:38 PM Robert Withers via Squeak-dev <squeak-dev at lists.squeakfoundation.org> wrote:
>
>> :sob::sob::sob:
>>
>> On 10/1/20 10:34 PM, Robert Withers wrote:
>>
>>> I wrote to the #general Squeak Slack channel:
>>>
>>>> What a complete larcenous bastard. 20 years ago, this month, published it as his own work. And been against me ever since. My CPTSD (100% veteran service-connected) comes with an exquisitely sensitive deception meter. There are those who shunned me and ostracized me and made me feel MOST UNWELCOME. For 20 years. My delusions kick in and I start suspecting back channel communications against me. My love for Squeak conflicted with what I knew was happening. but I hung in there and worked on Cryptography, work with a group of great people and that I am satisfied with its added value to Squeak. For 20 years I KNEW people were against me in the community. I cannot describe how negatively this affected me. My third suicide attempt, in 2007 I jumped off the roof of a 6 story apartment building and broke my back along with many bones. God did not want me to die, yet, so I lived. This deception and ostracism is most well highlighted by the taking credit for my work, without attribution. He is a complete tool. SHAME!
>>>>
>>>> I do not know the degree to which he spoke against me. Iimagineit was ever since 2000. Delusions! What is real? I knew not. So much torment! AGONY! They do not welcome me! They are trying to chase me off! Good grief, Charlie Brown.
>>>>
>>>> Severely exacerbated my CPTSD! I kept trying to kill myself because of it! I thought I had done something egregiously wrong. Whatever it was it had to be my fault. I was not feeling the love, even from myself.
>>>>
>>>> :scream:
>>>>
>>>> :scream:
>>>>
>>>> In 2017, 900 units of insulin brought my blood glucose below 40. I almost succeeded that time.
>>>>
>>>> :scream:
>>>
>>> rww
>>>
>>> On 10/1/20 8:55 PM, Robert Withers wrote:
>>>
>>>> The worst sort of person is one who takes the credit for the work of
>>>> another. Wouldn't you agree?
>>>>
>>>> You may wish to hear John's judgement on the matter. He was right there
>>>> when it was first built.
>>>>
>>>> If you are not humble you will be humiliated, and brought low.
>>>>
>>>> rww
>>>>
>>>> On 10/1/20 8:35 PM, tim Rowledge wrote:
>>>>
>>>>>> On 2020-10-01, at 4:57 PM, Robert Withers via Squeak-dev
>>>>>> [<squeak-dev at lists.squeakfoundation.org>](mailto:squeak-dev at lists.squeakfoundation.org)
>>>>>> wrote:
>>>>>>
>>>>>> I am curious. Who was the original author of the VMMaker Tool?
>>>>>
>>>>> That would be me; back in exobox days. Written along with the original VMMaker and intended to be an example of clean, tidy, morphic usage. I've no idea if anyone ever uses it now, since running it via scripting has proven more valuable.
>>>>>
>>>>> tim
>>>>> --
>>>>> tim Rowledge;
>>>>> tim at rowledge.org
>>>>> ;
>>>>> http://www.rowledge.org/tim
>>>>> "Wibble" said Pooh the stress beginning to show.
>>>
>>> --
>>> K, r
>>
>> --
>> K, r

--
K, r
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