Please don't take this personally, but I see a number of problems with the submission:
1. Squeak isn't the "OLPC version of Smalltalk". It's a dialect of Smalltalk that was selected for the OLPC, due to it's traditionally deep focus on education.
2. The phrase 'Squeak is the "official" version chosen and used by Dr. Alan Kay' is ambiguous... official version of what? I know you mean Smalltalk, but at best, it's poorly worded.
3. The phrase "With millions of OLPC computers expected soon to be in the hands of the upcoming generation, it will be an advantage, perhaps a requirement, for developers to master Squeak." is rather silly, and seems like breathless hyperbole. Particularly since it's not like Squeak is the only venue for developing applications for the OLPC (at minimum, there's Python, and I would assume straight Linux binaries would work, as well). Really, that entire statement could be nixed, though I'd probably go with something like "With millions of OLPC computers soon to be in the hands of children throughout the world, such a resource could prove valuable to those interested in developing new applications for the platform", or something along those lines.
With all that said, I'd prefer something like the following:
'With the recent announcement of the <link>Give-One-Get-One</link> OLPC program, and the growing popularity of software such as <link>Seaside</link> and <link>Croquet</link>, the arrival of <link>"Squeak By Example"</link>, a freely available book covering the popular <link>Squeak</link> dialect of Smalltalk, seems all the more timely. Within, readers will find a gentle introduction to the language and environment, along with hands-on examples and exercises suitable for novices, teachers and developers alike. With millions of OLPC computers soon to be in the hands of children throughout the world, such a resource could prove valuable to those interested in developing new applications for the platform.'
Or something along those lines, anyway. :)
Brett.