Hi,
I had a bit less time than I expected tonight, so I wasn't able to give the attention I wanted to the 3.4 press release. Nevertheless, I dare to ask you to take a look at this draft:
http://swiki.squeakfoundation.org/squeakfoundation/95
and comment on it. The last paragraph is destined to become the standard Squeak blurb for press releases, so I'd appreciate some extra attention to detail here.
Regards,
Cees h.t. External Relations Volunteer
Hi Cees--
I like it!
Here are some corrections I'd make:
With SqueakMap, Squeak users are now able to load additional functionality from the Internet much like Perl's CPAN or Debian's APT system.
I would put a comma after "Internet".
SqueakMap will make it easier to distribute various configurations of Squeak, ranging from the 'bare bones' (for embedded applications) to 'all bells and whistles' (for education and new users).
I would remove "the".
Apart from a personal user environment, Squeak is also capable of acting in various networking structures ranging from classic client-server work like webserving to peer-to-peer collaboration environments with 3D interfaces.
I would rephrase that as "In addition to providing a personal user environment, Squeak can serve in various networking structures, ranging from classic client-server configurations (such as webserving) to peer-to-peer collaboration environments with 3-D interfaces.". Something shorter might be better, but I'd have no qualms releasing that.
thanks!
-C
-- Craig Latta improvisational musical informaticist craig@netjam.org www.netjam.org/resume Smalltalkers do: [:it | All with: Class, (And love: it)]
On Thu, 2003-03-06 at 23:08, Craig Latta wrote:
I would put a comma after "Internet".
Corrected.
I would remove "the".
Corrected.
"In addition to providing a personal user environment, Squeak can serve in various networking structures, ranging from classic client-server configurations (such as webserving) to peer-to-peer collaboration environments with 3-D interfaces.".
Flows a bit better so I've taken this version.
On Thursday, March 6, 2003, at 04:40 PM, Cees de Groot wrote:
On March 3rd, Squeak 3.4 was released. This release presents ...
I might change this to March 5th, which was the day that squeak.org was updated. I'd consider this more the "official" release date, since that's the day it was made available on the public website, complete with bundled VMs, etc.
... and will be successful without the stewardship of corporations
like
Apple and Disney, who largely sponsored development so far.
Maybe change the last bit to: "who have largely sponsored its development so far."
(just a minor change to make the language sound a little more formal)
Squeak is a personal multimedia environment aimed at end-users (including children), developers, authors, and teachers. ...
Although I'm guilty of overusing parentheses in my emails, I wonder if the very first sentence of the official blurb would flow better without any parentheses. Maybe something like "Squeak is a personal multimedia environment aimed at end-users of all ages, developers, authors, and teachers."
- Doug Way
On Fri, 2003-03-07 at 07:19, Doug Way wrote:
I might change this to March 5th, which was the day that squeak.org was updated.
Ok.
Maybe change the last bit to: "who have largely sponsored its development so far."
You're right. I'm getting bad at writing ;-)
Maybe something like "Squeak is a personal multimedia environment aimed at end-users of all ages, developers, authors, and teachers."
Flow and rythm are important, and this is indeed a better proposal. Applied.
There are two other mails in the queue, Brent's and Dan's, but these cancel each other out ;-). So I think we'll leave it here. I'll start sending these out this afternoon (CET).
Mmm might I suggest some comments about how old/mature a lot of the code base is and that many many folks from around the world have over the last 20+ years reviewed fixed, optimized etc the code base.
So for the most part this isn't stuff ill-formed over the last few years.
On Thursday, March 6, 2003, at 10:19 PM, Doug Way wrote:
On Thursday, March 6, 2003, at 04:40 PM, Cees de Groot wrote:
On March 3rd, Squeak 3.4 was released. This release presents ...
-- ======================================================================== === John M. McIntosh johnmci@smalltalkconsulting.com 1-800-477-2659 Corporate Smalltalk Consulting Ltd. http://www.smalltalkconsulting.com ======================================================================== ===
On Fri, 2003-03-07 at 21:00, John M McIntosh wrote:
Mmm might I suggest some comments about how old/mature a lot of the code base is and that many many folks from around the world have over the last 20+ years reviewed fixed, optimized etc the code base.
Good suggestion. That leaves three additions to the blurb: - OS independence - The fact that the OO+GUI pioneers are on board - The fact that this is a quarter century of work. And all without making the blurb too long :-). Suggestions still welcome.
Note from a lurker: The "about" page on squeak.org has information that is three years or more out of date ("Entering 2000"). Perhaps the press release content could be the basis for revising this page before the publicity drives many new viewers to this page.
I also note that there is no mention of SqueakMap functionality in "Features", though it is a major motivation for the 3.4 release.
squeakfoundation@lists.squeakfoundation.org
-
Cees de Groot -
Craig Latta -
Doug Way -
John M McIntosh -
Sean McGrath